Rock 'n' Roll Clams

Ugh, I hate seafood!

Rock 'n' Roll Clams is a music-themed arcade game released in 1994 by Caspian Software, a time when most of the (gaming) companies abandoned us for the PC with its lifetime of bugs & patches. Thankfully, the mid-90s were a great time for independents who still had fuji passion - Impact, Bloodhouse, Top Byte, STeam, UDS, etc. Respect to all.

Tidbit time! A year later Caspian unleash Zero 5, a fantastic 3D space shooter for the STe/Falcon. Wanna read more about that? What about an interview with the developer? You better click here then!

Humorously, I've planned to feature this bizarre game for over two years and I've had a desktop folder containing a draft with notes and dozens of screenshots. What's taken me so long? Well, that's easy to answer - I suck at this game more than meagre words could ever describe! So how could I write about a game I struggle to play? (Now't new there!)

That's enough waffling on by me because we need to see a couple of crabby seaside screenshots...

The opening levels are supposed to gently introduce the basic mechanics and hazards. (ST)

Two-player mode is hilarious fun because it's so manic! (STe)

So, clams you say?

The storyline goes something like this: Casper the Clam went on a school trip to watch an orchestra with his clam friends. However, it was really boring for these ocean dwellers who wanted something better. Suddenly, they began to hear distant funky music and (this is my favourite part) needed to know more because "we owe it to Clamkind". So, off they went looking to find the source of this amazing music. However, leaving the safety of Clam Town proved dangerous.

What they didn't bank on was foolishly getting caught in the fishing net of (wait for it) Mackerel Mac! He wants to sell them to Charlie - as food - at Clams 'U' Like. Thankfully, they escaped that potential hell, so it's up to us to bring back that funky music. Help Caspar shake, rattle and roll their way from the bottom of the ocean to the Top of the Charts!

Groan... that is so bad but let's view a couple more screenshots and continue on with this insane game review...

This level features a tough design with two power-ups - that I couldn't manage to reach!! (ST)

Two-player mode has extra features, like dropping weights on heads. Or even a whale! (STe)

Sounds fishy to me!

I eagerly started my first game wondering what excitement lay ahead but that joyful anticipation soon passed as I struggled with the peculiar controls. Casper moves horizontally using a similar rotational mechanic as in Wizball. So the speed of his rotation affects the speed (and direction) of his movements to navigate down through each screen.

From what I've seen, each level is very tall with us beginning at the top. Rotate to move down through the screens, collecting all the required items before leaving through the exit which is at the bottom. All levels have their own layout but follow a similar structure with lots of platforms, routes, and nasty seaside critters to avoid like jellyfish, crabs, and spikes. Thankfully, there are checkpoints, so you won't need to restart from the beginning after coming into contact with them.

Rock 'n' Roll Clams is actually really simple: collect the required items that are dotted about each level and then make your way to the exit. Sounds too easy? Well, no. The baddies are positioned in crafty locations, to make life as difficult as possible, and many will chase after you. Also, the level's design often makes gameplay frustrating especially when rushing to beat the timer. Yes, there's a timer! Factor in all this and the game soon becomes very (ahem) challenging.

As with anything, practice. Learn the controls and you will begin to make progress but only to a certain point, I'm sorry to say. Many levels are poorly designed with enemies you can never avoid, and other areas that are quite impossible to reach with a rotating clam! Not only that but I managed to get stuck on a few dodgy platforms and even suffered a couple of crashes. Perhaps that was down to my Mega STe (4MB/TOS 2.06) but I also had issues using Hatari. #YMMV

Yeah, I would advise that you practice, practice & practice! But cheer up, here are a couple more screenshots...

The first power-up I found is the crash hat which made Casper very macho! (ST)

Here we are racing down without bothering to actually play properly! Meh, why not? (STe)

Need a helping hand?

1. Check out that main menu for access to a number of different starting levels.
2. Each level has its own dangers blindly roaming about so it pays to be coy and wait until the right moment.
3. We need pick-ups but if something is taking too long to reach, I say move on and look elsewhere.
4. Yes, there is a time limit. I hate 'em! So collect the clocks.
5. Hidden levels are plentiful and offer great rewards but not on every level.
6. There are checkpoints so you don't need to re/start from the beginning. Use 'em!
7. Each level has hats that grant special abilities: the crash helmet makes Casper stronger in all four directions but is actually pretty lame I thought. The propeller hat provides fancy flight which makes movements a lot better. Hey, is this game missing a weapon? Then look for the gun hat, if you can find it. Finally, the Viking hat is similar to the crash helmet but only works vertically... yawn.
8. The right side of the screen looks crazy, right? But it's here you can select the power-ups (hats) by holding down the fire button. It's awkward and I was never impressed with any of them tbh. (I'm a miserable sod!)

Not much in the way of help was it? Yep, shows how much I am still struggling with this game! Screenshot time...

Another level with a crazy design, that isn't fun, so stops you from enjoying it. Am I mean? (ST)

Well, at least in this game we have smiley faces to cheer us up! (STe)

Input & Output

The joystick/pad controls are superb and very responsive so Wizball fans will immediately take to the rotational method to move horizontally at different speeds. I didn't. Anyhow, pushing upwards can help reach those items you may have missed. However, this won't compensate for the strong effect of gravity, so can only be used when not freefalling.

Visually, this is colourful and fun but also quite amateur using tacky backdrops and silly sprites. Interestingly, the Blitter is utilised so my STe performed very well and never lagged at all. Hey, it also scrolls great on the stock ST albeit with a reduced resolution. Heck, even Falcon people can play - if you're lucky enough to have one of those expensive beasts!

Now for the audio: let's begin with the effects which are nothing special and should have been more zesty using samples. Thankfully, the music fares better and supports chip (ST) and stereo tracker (STe). Sadly, there aren't nearly enough tunes so it gets repetitive. Finally, I preferred the ST's chiptunes over the grim tracker renditions (sorry not sorry).

Hey, it was 1994 so am I being too harsh? Umm, maybe. But let's view more screenshots while we think about that...

Must admit, the seaside level is the best looking of all. Don't get stuck in the sand! (ST)

Another two-player game where we just hoped for the best... most of the time! (STe)

The CryptO'pinion?

This is one of those games I desperately wanted to enjoy and play to death. I really wanted to rock through each of the levels, taking lots of screenshots, before delivering a glowing report. But, sadly, that isn't to be. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy it to a point. However, the basic mechanics of what this game is, and what it desperately hopes to be, fail miserably.

The concept of controlling a ball - horizontally - in a vertically-scrolling world feels skewed somewhat. That method worked well in Wizball, but that's already a horizontally-scrolling game. Sadly, poor Casper is trapped in a cramped and restrictive world with infuriating enemy placement. Plus there are bugs that prevent me from passing certain areas!

Having said that, there are redeeming qualities, it plays fast and fluently on all STs with the STe being better. The support for two players is great and miles better than going solo. In fact, my daughter might have found it frustrating (sigh, that iPad generation) yet we had a great laugh simply because she couldn't control it properly - is that good or bad?

It's tough to know what else to say about this weird dollop of Clam Chowder. It's certainly unique but the execution doesn't work well for me, especially for one player. However, that may just be me being a grump? Why not grab the game (floppy disk + hard drive) and take it for a spin (sorry) yourself? Let me know what you think in the comments below!