Games I Hate!!

My ST love died

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I decided it might be amusing to revisit a handful of games I’ve always hated. Good idea, right? Well, as it turns out, there are far more games I absolutely loathe than I expected, which shocked me somewhat. Perhaps I’m just a miserable bloke (there’s a surprise). Still, let’s do this anyway; it might actually be fun.

So, here is a handful of dreadful #AtariST games...

1) Lemmings is a game everybody went crazy for, but I couldn't find any joy in herding those idiotic critters. A few screens in, I would discover that I had no tolerance for their stupidity and found it irritating. Instead, I would deliberately watch them plummet to their death or explode!!

2) Next is a conversion of the arcade hit, Hard Drivin'. This looks the part with its polygons and wacky stunts enticing you to try your luck. However, it never goes to plan as I cannot steer the car in anything that resembles a straight line. In fact, I corner worse than a drunk Stevie Wonder.

3) Next is Strider, a game I saw in ST Format and it looked amazing. They gave it a glowing review so I went out and spent all my pennies. Well, I certainly won't be giving it a glowing review because I cannot stand this platformer for more than a few minutes - without throwing down the joystick!! A terrible Tiertex port. (UPDATE) < < < < <

4) Chuckie Egg II is the worst platformer for the Atari ST. I'm disgusted this game was released. Why? Perhaps it's because it's such a dredful conversion, but more likely because they ruined what is one of my favourite ZX Spectrum games. Yep, I was hoping they'd remain faithful (like with Jet Set Willy), or perhaps enhance it (like with Highway Encounter), but no. They destroyed it!!

5) Yolanda is a platformer that I've always thought looked curiously interesting and something very different. The sprites are superb and it has a funny title screen, so I've often wondered if it played as well as it looked? Well, and no joking here, this is my actual experience:

Start the game... Wonder what to do. Die. 

Start again... Run left. Die. 

Start the game again... Run right. Die. 

Start for yet another go... Panic. Die. 

Reboot my Atari ST, and wonder what I'm doing with my life.

The CryptO'pinion?

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In case you're wondering, this article was just for a bit of fun. Except for the part about Lemmings, as it's another lame Amiga port by Psygnosis (explain its intro if you can). Okay, ignoring the odd game like Blood Money & Anarchy, they sucked with their rushed ports. My apologies to their fans worldwide.

Sorry, not sorry. :p

Are there any Atari ST games you hate? Let me know in the comments below...

This is a recording of my usual game. All over the road and driving like a drunk!

The controls... those controls...!! What have they done to this game? :(

A typical game, but seriously, I need to play this again to see what it's all about.

Racer 2

Dune race onto the Falcon!!

I thought it was time to introduce more 32-bit games to AtariCrypt, especially as AtariMania's Marko Latvanen has promised to give me his Falcon - Muahahahaha!! (he's since denied that conversation!). I'm happy with Hatari as it appears to emulate the bird well (even on my old Mac). Let's kick this off with Dune's Racer 2, which was released at Silly Venture 2014 for the stock 16MHz Falcon (4MB RAM / 320x240 true colour).

A driving game needs to be an interesting road trip with fast thrills to keep me coming back. We don't want boring. Well, Racer provides its motor fun with three types of gameplay: championship, challenge, and the good old arcade mode. Each can be played using three levels of difficulty, from beginner to an ace driver.

Wanna see a couple of colourful and (Mmm) absolutely gorgeous Falcon screenshots...

Creepy!! So keep the pedal to the metal when things get too spooky for you to handle.

Hey, I saw that you naughty boy. Don't stop to look at the pretty beach girls!!

Let's race!!

This feels like Crazy Cars 3 or Lotus 2 with its style and handling. It works well using either a manual or automatic gearbox, so it wasn't long before I was whizzing around the tight corners thanks to the effortless controls. They're dead easy, and you can choose either the keyboard, joystick, or JagPad.

Championship events are tough and definitely put this gamer through his paces, so don't expect to complete it on your first attempt. Arcade and Challenge modes offer a great way to practice the laps, with the potential to further yourself by unlocking numerous extra tracks. I probably enjoyed Challenge mode the most.

Optional bonus items can be collected for a myriad of effects: freezing the timer, increasing speed, ejecting your closest opponent, flattening the opponent's tyres, etc. However, joystick players might find reaching for the keyboard a pain. Perhaps I should try my Jagpad? Oh wait, I've no Falcon... (Marko's a rotter!!)

It's screenshot time, and here are a couple of beauties. Well, they're still colourful...

Perhaps I'm boring, but I turned off the Bonus feature...

New Race Unlocked? Oh yeah, I love it when that happens!!

32-Bit Aesthetics?

It was the graphics that originally enticed me to play this game - they are knockout and easily on par with other machines of the day. Each environment is accompanied by its own unique styles, drivers, and background music. Framerates are superb and can be increased further by disabling the textures. If I had to nitpick, the point of view is a bit low, and it’s a shame so few frames are used during the car’s cornering.

The audio is typically Falcon - nothing less than stunning. The selection of music is incredibly varied and suits each track's style. All effects are made using awesome samples, so whether you're skidding, bumping, or tearing up the road, it's ear-blasting and always amazing. Love it all, especially the smooth engine noise.

Looks and sounds incredible!! Well, isn't that nice? Wanna see a couple of screenshots...

Some tracks are weirdly different from what I expected...

...whereas others look more "traditional". Don't worry, all are great!

The CryptO'pinion?

What an awesome racer!! In fact, I could end my review there, but let's waffle on for a little longer. To say that I've enjoyed this game is an understatement, but it isn't without faults: slamming into roadside objects can stop you dead - even if that object is a spectator! Starting off from zero feels lethargic, almost as if you're behind the wheel of a Kia. The strangest is when the countdown timer begins before the green light.

Let's stop nitpicking! Racer 2 is a stonker with outstanding graphics, roaring sound effects, brilliant tracks, and superb controls. This is an utterly addictive experience and one of the best Falcon games.

I highly recommend this extraordinary racer, even if you're stuck using an emulator like me!!

Falcon peeps should download Racer 2!!

Supa Zazai Da!

Super... what?

Supa Zazai Da is another Gamopat conversion by Templeton, the same genius who graced us with the stupendous Crash Time Plumber. I couldn't wait to get my grubby mitts on this after reading the superb review by ST Graveyard on Atari Legend. Sadly, I admit to being disappointed with it. I failed to play more than a handful of frustrating games before rebooting my Atari STe with a massive portion of dismay.

I'll never knock anything powered by Maria Whittaker (yeah!), but this is rock solid and difficult!! Having only one life didn't help, especially when the enemy could fill the entire screen with bullets! Yep, this is a wolf in sheep's clothing and seemed like a bad joke. Dang, I was incredibly bad at it and genuinely gutted.

I know, I know, those first impressions of a weak gamer. Sigh, but read on...

Trust me, this game will destroy you and any expectations for success!

Don't judge a book by its cover

I returned and anxiously grabbed my creaky old joystick, determined, but expecting the battle of my life. After many embarrassing failures, I eventually beat the first horde of nasties and even gained extra points thanks to the green particles. How I managed to dodge the enemy's bullets, well, it felt like a personal achievement!! The clue is how you navigate through the cloud of bullets; it's easier than you think (watch the video).

Nevertheless, the scary boss gave me a good drubbing, and I was again greeted with the Game Over screen. I defeated him on my next nerve-racking attempt, so I was close to tears and ecstatic!! Once the second level begins, you realise there's a familiar and repetitive pattern, so I hammered it home and battled onto the third and fourth levels, with relative ease. The lesson is to stick with it, as it can be conquered!!

Talk about a massive learning curve. Or at least for me? Wow, this game is so rewarding...

However, nobody said those bosses would be easy. Especially when they can fire so much!!

Pixels and Sonics

The visuals scroll at an ultra-smooth 50fps. It's the outrageously cute sprites, from a wide variety of games, that everyone will adore. Your computer will require a Blitter coprocessor, which is not a problem for the Atari STe and Falcon, but the original ST models are outta luck (unless you have a later revision or a Mega ST).

Musically, Supa Zazai is great but different depending on your hardware: an unnerving chip rattles ST players, whereas the STe gets exhilarating streamed audio (both brilliant). As instructed, pump up the volume!

It looks and sounds fantastic, is what I'm saying about this Blitter-boosted game...

50fps action through, and just look at that huge sprite. Impressive, to say the least!!

The CryptO'pinion?

What a journey!! It's nothing like I initially imagined, yet it lived up to my expectations at the same time, which is weird. Arcade fans are going to drool over their keyboards because this shooter is fast, fun, thrilling, and addictive. Quite simply, Supa Zazai Da is an exhilarating game with gorgeous aesthetics.

I hope Templeton has many more Atari STe games in the pipeline, I really do.

Download Supa Zazai Da! via AtariMania.

Mario's Quest

A face you could punch!

Mario's Quest was released in 1993 by Dean Sharples of Silly Software and is a Hunchback clone. However, this time we're an unofficial clone of that ridiculous Italian plumber, but the gameplay remains pretty much the same. The screens feature lots of tricky jumps, pesky platforms, and annoying arrows trying to kill you.

I adore the humble visuals, which use a cool 8-bit theme, and the music is superb, too. However, the controls are far too sensitive, so judging exactly where a platform ends - without falling to your death - is nigh on impossible. With a little tinkering to its code, I'm sure Dean could transform this into a belting platformer.

However, Mario's Quest is one of the most frustrating games I've played. An infuriating game!