Games I Hate!!

My ST love died

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I decided it might be amusing to revisit a handful of games I’ve always hated. Good idea, right? Well, as it turns out, there are far more games I absolutely loathe than I expected, which shocked me somewhat. Perhaps I’m just a miserable bloke (there’s a surprise). Still, let’s do this anyway; it might actually be fun.

So, here is a handful of dreadful #AtariST games...

1) Lemmings is a game everybody went crazy for, but I couldn't find any joy in herding those idiotic critters. A few screens in, I would discover that I had no tolerance for their stupidity and found it irritating. Instead, I would deliberately watch them plummet to their death or explode!!

2) Next is a conversion of the arcade hit, Hard Drivin'. This looks the part with its polygons and wacky stunts enticing you to try your luck. However, it never goes to plan as I cannot steer the car in anything that resembles a straight line. In fact, I corner worse than a drunk Stevie Wonder.

3) Next is Strider, a game I saw in ST Format and it looked amazing. They gave it a glowing review so I went out and spent all my pennies. Well, I certainly won't be giving it a glowing review because I cannot stand this platformer for more than a few minutes - without throwing down the joystick!! A terrible Tiertex port. (UPDATE) < < < < <

4) Chuckie Egg II is the worst platformer for the Atari ST. I'm disgusted this game was released. Why? Perhaps it's because it's such a dredful conversion, but more likely because they ruined what is one of my favourite ZX Spectrum games. Yep, I was hoping they'd remain faithful (like with Jet Set Willy), or perhaps enhance it (like with Highway Encounter), but no. They destroyed it!!

5) Yolanda is a platformer that I've always thought looked curiously interesting and something very different. The sprites are superb and it has a funny title screen, so I've often wondered if it played as well as it looked? Well, and no joking here, this is my actual experience:

Start the game... Wonder what to do. Die. 

Start again... Run left. Die. 

Start the game again... Run right. Die. 

Start for yet another go... Panic. Die. 

Reboot my Atari ST, and wonder what I'm doing with my life.

The CryptO'pinion?

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In case you're wondering, this article was just for a bit of fun. Except for the part about Lemmings, as it's another lame Amiga port by Psygnosis (explain its intro if you can). Okay, ignoring the odd game like Blood Money & Anarchy, they sucked with their rushed ports. My apologies to their fans worldwide.

Sorry, not sorry. :p

Are there any Atari ST games you hate? Let me know in the comments below...

This is a recording of my usual game. All over the road and driving like a drunk!

The controls... those controls...!! What have they done to this game? :(

A typical game, but seriously, I need to play this again to see what it's all about.

Racer 2

Dune race onto the Falcon!!

I thought it was time to introduce more 32-bit games to AtariCrypt, especially as AtariMania's Marko Latvanen has promised to give me his Falcon - Muahahahaha!! (he's since denied that conversation!). Anyhow, I'm happy with Hatari as it appears to emulate that powerful bird pretty well (even on my old Mac). So, what better than to begin with Dune's Racer 2 which was released at Silly Venture 2014 for the stock 16MHz Falcon and just 4MB RAM in 320x240 true colour.

For me, a driving game needs to be an interesting road trip with thrills and excitement to keep me coming back. Yes, my fingers are crossed... Anyhow, Racer provides its motor fun with three types of gameplay: championship, challenge, and the good old arcade mode. Each can be played using three levels of difficulty from the beginner to an ace driver.

Wanna see a couple of colourful and (Mmm) absolutely gorgeous Falcon screenshots...

Creepy!! So keep the pedal to the metal when things get too spooky for you to handle.

Hey, I saw that you naughty boy. Don't stop to look at the pretty beach girls!!

Let's race!!

This feels like Crazy Cars 3 or Lotus 2 with its arcade styles and car handling. It works well using either a manual or automatic gearbox so it wasn't long before I was whizzing around the tight corners thanks to the effortless controls. They're dead easy and you can choose either the keyboard, joystick, or a JagPad - absolutely brilliant!!

Championship events are tough and definitely put this gamer through his paces so don't expect to complete it on your first attempt. Both arcade and challenge modes offer a great way to quickly practice the laps with also the potential to further yourself by unlocking numerous extra tracks. I probably enjoyed Challenge mode the most if I'm honest.

Optional bonus items can be collected for a myriad of effects: freezing the timer, increasing speed, ejecting your closest opponent, flattening the opponent's tyres, etc. However, joystick players might find reaching for the keyboard each time too much hassle? Perhaps I should try my Jagpad? Oh wait, I've no Falcon... Marko help!! (hmm, he's a rotter!!)

Right then, it's screenshot time, and here are a couple of beauties. Well, they're still colourful...

Perhaps I'm boring but I turned off the Bonus feature...

New Race Unlocked? Oh yeah, I love it when that happens!!

32-Bit Aesthetics?

It was the graphics that originally enticed me to play this game - they are knockout and easily on par with other machines in the mid-90s. So many different environments and each is accompanied by its own unique styles, drivers, and background tunes. Framerates are constantly superb and can be increased further by disabling the lovely textures. If I had to be picky, the point of view is a tad low and it's also a shame that so few frames are used for when the car is cornering.

The audio is... well... it's an Atari Falcon so it's nothing less than stunning. The selection of music is incredibly varied and suits each track's style. All sound effects are made using awesome samples so, whether you're skidding, bumping, or tearing up the road, it's ear-blasting and always amazing. Love it all, especially the smooth engine noise.

Looks and sounds incredible!! Well, isn't that nice? Wanna see a couple more screenshots? Of course, you do...

Some tracks are weirdly different from what I expected...

...whereas others look more "traditional". Don't worry, all are great!

The CryptO'pinion?

What a freakishly awesome race this is!! In fact, I could end my review right now but let's waffle on for a little longer - to say that I've enjoyed this game is an understatement. However, it isn't without faults: slamming into roadside objects can stop you dead - even if that object is a spectator! Starting off from zero feels lethargic, almost as if you're behind the wheel of a Kia. The strangest thing is when the countdown timer begins before the green light appears...

However, let's stop nitpicking because Racer 2 is a stonker! Great graphics, roaring sounds, unique tracks, and superb controls. This is an utterly addictive experience and one of the best arcade games I've played. It proves the power of the Falcon and to think this isn't even commercial. An extraordinary racer I highly recommend, even in emulation!!

Falcon peeps should download Racer 2 now!

Supa Zazai Da!

Super... what?

Supa Zazai Da is another Gamopat conversion by Templeton, the same genius who graced us with the stupendous Crash Time Plumber. I couldn't wait to get my grubby mitts on this after reading the superb review by ST Graveyard on Atari Legend. Sadly, I admit to being disappointed with it. I failed to play more than a handful of frustrating games before rebooting my Atari STe with a massive portion of dismay.

I'll never knock anything powered by Maria Whittaker (yeah!) but this is rock solid and too difficult!! Having only one life didn't help, especially when the enemy could fill the entire screen with bullets! Yep, this is a wolf in sheep's clothing and seemed like a bad joke. Dang, I was incredibly bad at it and genuinely gutted.

I know, I know, those first impressions of a weak gamer. Sigh, but read on...

Trust me, this game will destroy you and any expectations for success!

Don't judge a book by its cover

I returned and anxiously grabbed my creaky old joystick, determined, but expecting the battle of my life. After many embarrassing failures, I eventually beat the first hoard of cute nasties and even gained extra points thanks to the green particles. How I managed to dodge the enemy's bullets, well, it felt like a personal achievement!! The clue is how you navigate through the cloud of bullets, it's easier than you think (watch the video).

Nevertheless, the scary boss instantly gave me a good drubbing and I was again greeted with the Game Over screen. I defeated him on my next nerve-racking attempt so was close to tears and ecstatic!! Once the second level begins you realise there's a familiar and repetitive pattern so I hammered it home and battled onto the third and fourth levels, with relative ease. The lesson is to stick with it as it can be conquered!!

Talk about a massive learning curve. Or at least for me? Wow, this game is so rewarding...

However, nobody said those bosses would be easy. Especially when they can fire so much!!

Pixels and Sonics

The visuals scroll at an ultra-smooth 50fps. It's the outrageously cute sprites, from a wide variety of games, that everyone will adore. Your computer will require a Blitter coprocessor, which is not a problem for the Atari STe and Falcon, but the original ST models are outta luck (unless you have a later revision or a Mega ST).

Musically, Supa Zazai is great but different depending on your hardware: an unnerving chip rattles ST players, whereas the STe gets exhilarating streamed audio (both brilliant). As instructed, pump up the volume!

It looks and sounds fantastic is what I'm saying about this Blitter-boosted game...

50fps action through and just look at that huge sprite. Impressive, to say the least!!

The CryptO'pinion?

What a journey!!

It's nothing like I initially imagined yet, it lived up to my expectations. Arcade fans are going to drool over their keyboards because it's fast, fun, thrilling, and addictive. Quite simply, Supa Zazai Da is an exhilarating shooter with gorgeous aesthetics. I hope Templeton has many more Atari STe games in the pipeline, I really do.

It's zany, it's crazy, it's insane and I love everything about Supa Zazai Da.

Download Supa Zazai Da! via AtariMania.

Mario's Quest

Mario's Quest was released in 1993 by Dean Sharples of Silly Software and is basically a Hunchback clone. However, this time we're an unofficial clone of that ridiculous Italian plumber but the gameplay remains pretty much the same. The screens feature lots of tricky jumps, pesky platforms or annoying arrows trying to kill you.

I adore the humble visuals which use a cool 8-bit design and the music is superb too. However, the controls are far too sensitive so judging exactly where a platform ends - without falling to your death - is nigh on impossible.

Sadly, Mario's Quest is one of the most frustrating games I have played. An infuriating platformer!

Fractal Landscape Generator

It's time to get creative

Fractal Landscape Generator was developed by David Billington who offers us an opportunity to develop mountainous worlds. Now, it's worth stopping to read the disk's doc file before you do anything else - because of an excellent mini-guide. I know, I know, nobody reads the manual... but you should this time!

Making a brand new rugged landscape is extremely easy thanks to the fantastic user interface. Not only that, the results can be produced and viewed quickly, even on an 8MHz computer. Thankfully, the program made great use of my 16MHz Mega STe which is superb. The versatile speeds of Hatari will be a huge bonus!

The 3D part was initially difficult to grasp but don't give up - keep on tinkering and you'll grasp it. Once you're happy, you can then add light-shading, alter various colour parameters, and increase the detail level. Heck, you can even animate a fly-by through your newly created world.

Dabbling in 16-bit creation was fun and it's impressive to see what wonders I could knock out. To think I found it by chance: Floppyshop ART-3647. It's a nice feeling to find something "new" and this is a great program to get started in fractal landscaping. Give it a go and let me know what you think in the comments below!

I hope you enjoy making mountains...

- My Own MEGA STe Creations -

Astro Marine Corps

Creepy monsters are coming to get you!

Sometimes a game doesn't need a longwinded storyline, puzzles, or life-sucking RPG elements. Sometimes all you want is a huge mother of a weapon (with unlimited ammo, of course) and lots of baddies in need of urgent annihilation. Be happy because Dinamic's AMC fits the bill with lots of gratifyingly brutal violence!

This multi-level scrolling shoot 'em up involves nothing more than walking grim alien landscapes to hammer down the fire button to kill everything in sight. Upgradeable weapons use a directional-firing technique and our marine can crouch and leap high into the air (with wiggly legs). We are equipped with powerful bombs, which are needed when the main gun isn't effective. (tip: perhaps you can drop a few into the crater?)

The aliens are an obscene bunch of misfits ranging from man-eating plants to mechanoids that even Robocop would run away from. Don't get close to the unassuming caterpillars, these will suddenly grow in size - with teeth!! I think AMC has some of the best enemies and the monstrously huge Guardian proves it.

Technically, AMC could have been better as the scrolling could have been more energetic, plus the landscapes look rather "unfinished". Thankfully, the joystick controls are excellent. However, it is awkward reaching for the keyboard to throw a bomb - especially when mechanoids are chasing. With a bit of spit and polish...

AMC is crude and predictable but it's thoroughly entertaining with great baddies, crunchy sound effects and tons of action. Loved it and being an Astro Marine is ace because it's fantastic killing alien scumbags!!


Waste no more time! Install AMG onto your hard drive or grab the floppies as Stonish has great Menu disks: Dodgysoft #81 and Flame Of Finland #25.

Even the plant life is out to get you in this crazy game so watch out where you walk!!

Awe look everyone it's a strange little worm... No... Wait... ARGHHH it's growing!!

This thingamabob is absolutely superb. Look at the detail in his eyes and teeth. Love it!!

AMG has some huge monsters but the bosses are even bigger. This beast is ginormous!!